Lera Yanysheva: On Her Own (From Russian Romani)

On Her Own
By Lera Yanysheva
Translated by A.Z. Foreman

I sit at home and on my own.
I'd hoped to start a family.
The men said I was quite a lady
But years have had their way with me.

My little sisters are still young.
My baby brother is a kid.
My mother has been dead for years.
My father is an invalid.

God, what am I supposed to do?
I can't just leave them on their own.
Who else will put bread on the table?
Who else can work? It's me alone.

I did have men propose to me.
My father wouldn't let me though —
"I'm begging you: stay for the children.
We'll end up starving if you go."

The tears keep running down like water,
A fire has burned my heart clean through.
I'm no young woman anymore.
My darling, lover, where are you?

It's pointless. I can't be with you
When I have got this family.
And I have got to think of them.
The household has no head but me.

It's awful but sometimes I think of 
Running off with a gadjo man!
You girls are raising your own girls now
And I'm stuck at a market-stand.

Here men all look at me with pity
And mutter "goddamn tragedy"
And my black hair begins to whiten.
Here I am getting...elderly.

The tears keep running hot as water
Oh God! What could I do but give....
I'm old now, after what I've lived through, 
But never had a life to live. 

The Original:

Екхджины Лера Янышева Бэшав дро кхэр мэ екхджины     Мэ палором ґара камава. Сарэ ракирнас: мэ раны Нэ о бэрша мирэ прастана. Сы мандэ тыкнорэ пхэня И мандэ пшал сы набаро. О дай мири ґара мэя, Э дад пхуро сы насвало. Со ж мангэ Дэвла тэ кэрав? Семьятыр тэ уджяв нашты. Янава мэ кхэрэ тэ хав. Мэ екхджины кэрав буты. Рома явнэ кэ мэ сватэнца. На отмэктя ман дад миро: «Мангава тут мэ чяворэнца, Амэнгэ битыро пхаро». Ясва прастана сыр паны, Ягаса о ило хачёл. И мэ ґара на сом тэрны. Кай, кайжэ ту, миро лачё? Да, палэ тутэ мэ на джява, Ведь мандэ семица бари. И палэ лэн мэ думинава, Ведь мэ дро семья хуланы. Чяялэ, ладжяво признаться, Гаджеса мэ бы унастём! Сарэ чяя барэ чявэнца А мэ про тарго ходиндём. Сарэ рома пэ ман дыкхэна, Пхэнэн, со мэ бибахталы. Мирэ калэ бала парнёна, Тэ и кана мэ пхураны. Ясва прастана сыр паны. О Дэвла! Семья захая! И мэ дыкхав, со мэ пхури. О джиипэн захасия!

Jekhdžinî Lera Janîševa Bešav dro kher me jekhdžinî, Me palorom ghara kamava. Sare rakírnas me ranî, Ne o berša mire prastana. Sî mande tîknoré phenja I mande pšal sî nabaro. O daj miri ghara meja. E dad phuro sî nasvalo. So ž mange Dévla te kerav? Sjemjátîr te udžav naštî. Janava me khere te xav. Me jekhdžinî kerav butî. Roma javne ke me svatenca. Na otmektja man dad miro: "Mangava tut me čavorenca, Amenge bitîro pharo." Jasva prastana sîr panî, Jagasa o ilo xačol. I me ghara na som ternî. Kaj, kaj že tu, miro lačo? Da, pale túte me na džáva, Vjedj mande sjémjica bari. I pale len me duminava, Vjedj me dro sjémja xulanî. Čajále, ladžavo priznátsa, Gadžésa me bî unastjom. Sare čaja bare čavenca, A me pro tárgo xodindjom. Sare roma pe man dîkhena, Phenen, so me bibaxtalî. Mire kale bala parnjona, Te i kana me phuranî. Jasva prastana sîr panî. O, Dévla! Sjémja zaxaja! I me dîkhav, so me phuri. O džiipen zaxasija!